Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beany17's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2007
10:53 pm	feelings I have too many thoughts in my head I can't fall asleep. I just don't understand things and I try to replay them...then it just doesn't make sense. I didn't think I would be this altered about it but I am...Last night I was fine...kind of, it didn't take me much time to fall asleep. The night before I was too trashed to realize what was going on...so that wasn't bad...a little sad though, I do remember that. The night before I couldn't fall asleep at all. How long is that going to last? Tomorrow I'm treking up north to Bemidji. For the day to visit my daycare. I'm excited, not for the drive...it gives me lots of time to think and I don't need that right now. Or maybe I do, but it won't sort things out. It probably would help if I just expressed but I don't want to. I have to digest it all and figure out what the hell is actually going on... Tuesday I start a new job. Pam called me on Friday to infor me. That should be fun. It's just a bank, but I don't have to deal with people so I'm excited about that... Sunday we leave for Wisconsin dells. I made reservations tonight for 2 nights. That will be fun as well...Then wefest is the end of that week as well... Ugh Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
7:16 am	2 weeks Wow, it's been two weeks since I wrote on here. I forgot that I wrote here 2 weeks ago...oops. I guess I've been kind of busy. But not really because the last couple days I've been just sitting around. I've been hanging out with Tim a lot. When I say a lot, I mean every day....what can I say, I move fast? But not really....kind of I guess. He really wants to go to Alex this weekend and seems to want me to come with...he has a wedding. Katie and Mitch will be there so that would be cool, but I don't know if I should. I told him if he wants me to come then I will. I guess he told Katie that I didn't seem to want to go. And she stuck up for me and asked if he blames me? I wouldn't know anyone...but its part of a relationship. He wants to go to a party on Friday night...I asked if he thought it would get busted, he said he wasn't sure...I don't want to be at a place that will get busted and I will be shit out of luck.... My mom's awesome...that's all I got to say! I went home yesterday before I went to Courtneys to get a suit...and she told me she had a little something for me...I was thinking a cute little gift...well it was a cute little gift...then she told me not to tell my father. Haha...I don't think she's ever told me that! YAY! I have my interview today in Forest Lake. I'm going to be leaving here pretty soon so I don't get lost there. I have to find my Ipod... I'm not too nervous...that may be a bad thing though. I'm going to bring a couple things in case I get there too early. I don't know if I have to bring my credentials and stuff...I'm going to just in case. You never know I guess... Gas is super spendy...3.29 I saw last night when Tim was filling up. That sucks! I will have to fill up after I get back today from Forest Lake. The interview is supposed to last 15-20 minutes...and I'm driving 3 hours total. Or so. Probably not quite that much...we'll see though. I don't know if I'm going to wear heels or not. Courtney gave me a pair and she told me I should wear them. I'm not good at looking very professional....maybe I am I just don't think I am. Who knows I guess. Well it's time to hit the road...wish me luck! Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
7:11 pm	Thursday Today is Thursday...I built a shed with my dad. The roof is all we have left but he told me I don't have to help him tomorrow. He'll make mom. I will probably end up helping...it was kind of cold out...so I was a little disappointed... Tuesday I did nothing...oh wait...I went out to eat with Lori, then we went shopping. I got some things from Old Navy and Kohls. Then we went to cold stone...and then to dad's softball game. He play's with Ertl's and Solt's. It was funny seeing him play again. I think he's one of the oldest ones out there... Yesterday I went to the beach with Katie. I got to her apartment around 11:30. We went to Warner Beach. It was fun. Then we went to eat at Erbert's and Gerbert's and back to her place. She listens to Dane Cook in her car and we got talking about him. She asked if I saw his newest video and I said no. We watched it when we got to her house. She wanted me to meet Mitch's friend Tim so I sat around awhile. He got off work at 4:30. When he got there the movie was almost over. She suggested to watch another one. I chose Wedding Crashers. Katie made us homemade mac and cheese while Tim and I talked awhile. He's going to school to be a teacher at SCSU. He wants to do real estate in the summer...I told him that's a good idea because I plan on not doing anything...but whenever that happens I always end up getting a job...We went to Cold stone and then I left around 8:30. It was a fun day to hang out with Katie. I haven't hung out with her for a long time. I'm sure we will again soon. Plus she called later to ask what I thought of Tim. Today I got a phone call from Ryan around 1:20. I talked to him yesterday and told him I would be coming to the game tonight. He asked if I'd rather play then watch because they needed another girl. I told him he had to warn the others that I sucked. He said they knew....haha, thanks Ryan! Randy showed up around 3 and helped Dad and I finish putting the walls up on the shed...then he said he'd throw balls to me so I could practice swinging. We did that after supper. I think I missed 2 balls. Which is pretty good...I hit 4 over the road...which is pretty good for me since I really suck. We'll see how well I do tonight. I've never played at Sauk Rapids so I think it will be interesting. I'm actually wasting time because it's at 8:15 and I'm super tired. If I lay down I think I will fall asleep. I don't know what I am going to do tomorrow yet. Maybe hang out with Ryan. I'm supposed to go out with Lori...I don't know if we will. Katie talked about drinking at her place...maybe I'll go over there. I don't really have any sure plans. Jen is coming down for her sisters bridal shower and my mom accidently took her rollerblades when we were packing up. I will have to meet up with her eventually. I will take the rollerblades with me if I do leave tomorrow. Oh shit...I have to mail some bills too....Shit....hopefully they wont be late... My cats seem to be adjusted again. They have one more week and we move again. July 5th. I'm excited! I don't know what I'm doing this weekend...oh yeah, I have my cousin's grad party. My aunt is going to talk to me on Saturday about a potential summer job. They are going to hire me directly instead of going thru a temp agency because it will be cheaper for them. I said whatever, as long as I get a paycheck! I guess they are trying to put a job description together so they have a list of what I have to do. My mom told me they might need me full time a couple weeks after 4th of July...whatever I guess. I think I would be way too bored if I would be home anyway...unless I find more friends...but I don't see that happening! I've decided to give up...and let the guys come to me. If someones interested they can try...I'm not going to. So there...we'll see how long that lasts though...probably a whole day or so...maybe even a week... Time to go find something else to do...I need some chapstick. I wonder where I have it packed...hopefully some in my purse! Oh and I got the goods....for 4th of July...when you come visit me... Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Monday, June 25th, 2007
8:50 pm	done So I'm done with work. I was sad. I got a photo album of almost all of the kids. It was cute. And a book...chicken soup for the teachers soul. I got a necklace, bracelet, earrings and cards. It was cute. I felt so loved. I'm definately going to miss those kids. Silly kids. And my coworkers. I don't think I will ever have as great of coworkers as I had. And I really mean it. Some days were stressful but they were so laid back and easy to get along with. I don't miss Bemidji yet though. I don't know if it hasn't hit me that I'm never going to live there again or what. I think it will hit me when I move into my apartment. Which now isn't going to happen until the 5th. So Ben can no longer stay at my apartment. He could stay with me at my parents...there is an open bed. If he wants to he can call me...but I know he won't. Saturday I was up early. I went to bed around 11 on Friday night and was up by 8 I think. Then I started getting things situated and my parents got into town around 10:30. I had a late fee at Movie Gallery and figured I would never pay it if I didn't that day. So I went there right at 10 when they opened to pay it. Anyways, we got the bronco and snowmobile trailor packed by 1130 and I was on the road by 11:45. It was quite nice.... While I was driving Steve called me to tell me that he would like me to show up at the reunion because he didn't know if anyone else would. I had emailed him three weeks prior and hadn't heard of anything. I got the message around 1:30. I decided I wasn't going to go because I had so much planned. I got home around 2:30 and started to unpack my car. Then I got sick of it and just took out anything that might get ruined from the heat. Did the same thing to the bronco and trailor...didn't take much out. My tv works now. I don't know if that's just temporary or if it will work the whole time. It makes me angry. We'll see I guess...I don't want to haul that thing up to the third floor just for it not to work again. Who knows I guess. Anyways, we went to Megans grad party around 4. Stayed there until 8:30...waited for Becky to call me to tell me she was done with work. She called around 9...asked if I would go pick up Dan and his friend Jon then come out. I said sure....then I called Jamie and decided to pick the boys up first then go get her. We didn't get to Timberlodge until 10. She was supposed to be at the carpet by 1030 to start her party...well Dan was hungry. Becky doesn't know how to say no, so we went to Applebees first...left around 11 to head down town. I say she doesn't know how to say no but when Dan wanted to go to the press becky told him no. So she does know how...just depending on the situation. Downtown was fun as usual...mainly because I was with Becky and Jamie. I was surprised that I didn't have to pay for very many of my drinks. We were sitting in a booth when the waitress brought us 3 shots of red headed slut. They were from a guy that none of us thought we knew. Then he wouldn't make eye contact with any of us so Jamie decided we should go thank him. I agreed but was hesitant. I hadn't had enough to go up to a random guy...of course he wasn't so random I guess... We went back and sat down and he came to talk to us another time. Then another random guy came up to us...while Scott was talking to us...then Scott had to play darts...so he went and did that and this other guy kept standing there. Now I could tell that he wanted to get into Jamie's pants. I'm sure she could too...but I was getting really annoyed. I happened to make eye contact with Scott and he gave me this 'do you know him' look. I shrugged my shoulders and nodded my head like 'help now'. He came over and talked to us. I don't know how he got the other guy to go away...i do remember Jamie and I deciding to go to the bathroom...i dont know if he came back or what. I think he did. The reason I don't remember isn't because I was drunk. Mind you, I didn't get drunk at all. I got buzzed, but I wasn't even there yet. I just remember trying to get out of the situation. Scott had bought us a couple more drinks and then his friends were going to the press so he left. Well we decided we would move...I don't know why or anything it just happened. Then we were looking for Becky...I remember doing that a lot. She likes to wander. And then Scott came back. He came and talked to us again by the pool tables...then we decided to go downstairs because it was almost close. I'm getting sick of writing....we went to perkins after it closed....danced down stairs for awhile. Saw Sam Knolls older brother. At Perkins I made a bet with Jamie that this one guy went to Sartell...I won $5. Never bet against me on someone who went to Sartell...I'm that good! haha... Jamie and I decided that if a guy talks to her in a bar, it's because they want to get some. If they talk to me...they are actually interested in me...because I'm more of a conversationalist. I like to get to know the person. Find out where they are from, where they went to school, for what, where they are now...etc. I never did find out Scott's last name...and I never did find out what Becky and Jamie all said to him when he was leaving for the Press. I got his number and called his phone so he had mine...then they said something abotu calling me 48 hours later...or something...inform me please what exactly was said...in an email or something... Sunday we decided on dates to go to Cali. Carl and Becky came over for brunch. Obviously I didn't cook it. And we decided on August 10-18. FYI! We haven't gotten tickets yet but we are wanting to do a couple things...so were thinking we might rent a car. We are going to figure more out later...I have to do some research on what there is to do in Cali while you're at work Linz! Any suggestions?? Carl really was wanting to know what we were going to do. I don't know if he needs an itenerary or what. Sunday afternoon I spent at beckys house on the lake. It was fun. Always is though. Tomorrow I'm going swimming at Warner...I think I've been there, I have to ask my mom. Then on Wednesday I might be going to the beach too. With Katie. I'm excited. Today we signed our lease. I got a garage for $35 a month. My parents wanted me to get it..maybe I should make them pay for it then. They said they would feel more safe with my car if I got one. So I did. I would too. Like I said we can move in the 5th. We actually could move in the 4th if we really wanted to...almost should...there won't be very many people. But dad told me he would help me early afternoon on the 5th whenever he wakes up. And I might have to take my grandma to the dentist on the 6th to get teeth pulled. She called and asked me and I said sure! Then she called me back and said she might not need me to anymore. I figured whatever! Pretty much wasted my day away. It was too hot to go rollerblading. I did eat roly poly for lunch and it was delicious. I played Sims. I haven't really played night life...but I can have cars now...and there's another aspiration...it's pretty neat let me tell you! I like the pets too...but I get stressed with them. I think its because I don't know exactly what to do. I swear everytime I get them to get a job, they get fired. I must be doing something wrong! I always choose the wrong choice... I was going to go to Lori and Randy's softball game but decided I was lazy. I wasn't sure if Becky was going to call me either...I told her to if she got bored. She must not have... I'm going to send another 4 applications in tomorrow...Glencoe, Buffalo, Young America, and Cold Spring. Time to go do something...I think watch some of that 70's show. I bought another season today. I need to stop spending my money becasue I don't have a job. That'll be my goal. Not to spend any money on unneeded things the whole month of July. do you think I can do it? Only spend money on gas, groceries and rent? Hell no...I enjoy going to the bars too much to not do that...of course I could get other guys to buy for me right?? Just have to pay cover...interesting... Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
11:51 am	last day Today is my last day of work. I have to be there in 8 minutes but I promised Jamie I would write on here so she could look at something during her lunch break. Hopefully she doesn't take lunch until noon... Anyways, I'm sad that it's my last day. I actually think I may cry after the last one leaves. It's going to be tough. We had to take care of our garbage last night. That was at like...11. We got it done. Tomorrow morning my parents are coming up to move me. I cleaned my room and pretty much only have my bed, computer, computer desk, cat things, tv and entertainment center left. I'm going to pack my car tonight after work so I don't have to do much tomorrow. It's supposed to be hot today, but I'm hoping it'll cool down when I get home around 6:30. We're meeting Sunday to discuss California. We're meeting at my house at noon. Carl made me pick a time. So I picked then. When I called Becky she told me that she planned on sleeping in and then laying out on the raft all day. I told her I'd join her as well. She thought noon was early but said she'd deal with it. She also told me she has invited 55 people to come out on Saturday night. It's her going away timberlodge party. It's Jamie and my responsibility to make sure she doesn't puke. What a job! I told her I would stay sober...then she said we have a couple rides home. That's when I said okay, I'll drink. I'm supposed to bring Jamie with to Timberlodge when she gets off work because she won't have a car. FYI Jamie....:) Lori, Randy and myself are going in on a present for my cousin Megan. Her grad party is tomorrow. I got her an electric griddle, a spatula and some oven mits. I figured that should be good enough. That's like $10 from each of us. I have to remember to tape the receipt to it. We're meeting with the apt people Monday morning to pay our deposit. I'm excited! I'm hoping it will be fun living with Ashley...hopefully I don't get sick of Mike (her boyfriend) I got an interview in Forest Lake on July 12. YAY! Someone is actually considering me!! That's wonderful!! Time to go to work...I'll write more tonight probably. Unless I decide to sleep instead... Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
9:43 am	sad Yesterday I got a phone call from Lindsay telling me bad news. Nathan has a brain tumor. Only knew a little bit, but enough to inform me what's going on. Then I get home and happen to check my hotmail account (I only do that once a week usually) and I got an email from Sarah informing me what's going on. www.caringbridge.org/visit/nathanmeeks. That explains it if you're interested... Other that news, yesterday was good. Didn't do much...went to bed early. Tonight is my going away party at work. We're going to the Green Mill. I'm excited. It should be fun. I am hungry though...I ate some Taco Bell for supper last night. yum. Jamie comes to Bemidji tomorrow...late tomorrow. Yay! I have to work Saturday all day now. They thought it would only be for 4 hours but someones coming now. And they are coming from 11-5. But they told me I could come in at 9 if I wanted to. I figure that works. I get paid time and a half...so it will be worth it. I had one messed up dream last night. There was a mass murder and only a few people survived. I was in Bemidji, but it took place at my parents house...I hid in the neighbors land. My friends were there with me. And some of the babies from daycare. I was taking care of one of the babies for awhile...then her mom came so I gave her to mom. Then when all the survivors returned the baby was there but not the mom. However the dad was...but he was holding one of the other babies, so I took Paige and talked to him. I got to go to work... Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
9:46 am	fun times Yesterday I was supposed to work 7-3. I got there right around 7, by the time 10:00 came around, my supervisor came and I told her there's only 9 kids here....and if you want me to go home I will. So I left by 10:15. It was nice. Wanted to do things but instead I took a nap....I did pack another box I suppose. But I was exhausted...plus I knew that I would be playing volleyball and drinking... I drove with Ben because I wanted to drink. And I knew I could crash at his house. I also know that he will make sure I go home with him...not with someone else. We closed down the moon...Ben, Tom and myself. Jerad left early...10:30ish. Ali had brought a friend so we played 6 instead of 5. It annoyed me. I told Tom afterwards that I hate playing with 6. We got back to Ben's house around 2ish. I don't actually know. It was 1:28 when we got into his car. I wanted to try this one drink that he said was sooo good. I can't even remember what it's called...mohita? I don't remember. But it was pretty good. Plus I had drank ALOT so far. So Ben and I stayed up talking about everything. A lot of the conversation was on me finding a guy....and having to have the guy meet Ben first. Not a problem with me. He really was pushing for the Jerad and me thing...but I found out things there that I didn't know. I hate hearing things from a third person...it's annoying. If I would have known things I would have done some things differently...and I would have tried harder. I kind of just gave up with Jerad. Apparently Ben told him not to be a dick about it and if he finds out that he didn't treat the situation how he wanted...he would punch him in the face. I laughed when he told me that. Then he told me if there's any guys' ass I want him to kick, he'll do it. Then he explained that he's not really sure why he feels this way...but he does. I mean I have only known him for 3 years or so. A little less...have known about him for more than that. But still. We also talked about that I need to have kids around the same time as they do...at least 3 years within...haha....I agree. Not going to lie! I really have to go and get ready for work...I need to take some advil I think...Or just drink some water...I don't think I have any besides in the faucet....ick\ Ugh, my TV's been flippin annoying. It keeps cutting in and out with the sound. Some channels the sound doesn't work at all...I hate it Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
12:40 am	Tonight I went to the street dance at the bowling alley in Sartell. It was fun. Got to see lots of people that I graduated with, and lots of people my parents know. John did call me to see what I was up to...he didn't want to come out to Sartell. Understandable, I probably wouldn't want to either if I lived by state...he did say that he didn't know where he was going to sleep tonight. That's when I thought about offering him a place but realized my parent's wouldn't approve. Plus it may have been awkward. He told me to call him back if I decided to go anywhere else. I wanted to go other places...and I did try to call him. He didn't answer. Last night I went out with Jamie, Becky and Razaan. It was fun. We went to the carpet. I wanted to go there again tonight, but no one wanted to come with me. It's 12:43 and I'm almost sober...and I had more drinks then I did last night...it's sad. I am kind of hungry though. Maybe I should make a Wendy's run. It sounds really good right now...but my parents would get mad if I left. It was dad's birthday today. He got hammered. I bought him 2 and gave him 1 that I got from a guy that called me a cold heartless bitch. I only knew of one cold heartless bitch, and of only one person who says that. Turns out there's two in the world. I ended up staying at Becky's last night. Went to bed around 4. Was up by 7. I did take a 2 1/2 hour nap today. So its like I got 5 1/2 hours of sleep. I am getting kind of tired...so I'll probably call it good here pretty soon. I still didn't get to say things to Jamie that I wanted to say...so I won't be saying it again for awhile. I would rather say it in person then over the phone or on here...sorry We may have decided on some dates to go to Cali. August 10-16 or so. Who knows if that will actually be the days. Depends on the other two. Boys...I've decided I don't want to try. If they show some sort of interest...like call me or leave me a message...then I will respond. Otherwise I'm out. We'll see if that actually happens. There's two real interests right now that I have...I guess it's a toss up. It's too hard that I don't want to deal with it...so I'm just going to step back from the situation and get things figured out. Ashley and I looked at an apartment today. I really liked them. I don't know if she did, but I liked the first one more than I liked the second one...I feel like I've written this...deja vu. Good movie. I'm going to get some shut eye. My eyes are getting heavy and my phone hasn't rang since I got home 20 minutes ago...so I'll take that as a sign... Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Friday, June 8th, 2007
7:00 am	work So I worked yesterday 8-4:30. Not too bad. I enjoyed it. I know that I am going to miss the kids when I move for good. 2 more weeks left. I have to write my goodbye letter to the parents soon...I should get that to them by next Wednesday. I didn't have to do jury duty again today so I have to go to work here shortly. 7-3 today. Then back to St. Cloud. After work last night I was pretty lazy. Packed a little, watched some tv, ate some food. Then I fell asleep. I slept from 6:30-9:30. Got up, sat around for awhile, fell back asleeep around 10:15. Woke up at 6:20. Gotta love the fact that I can pretty much sleep anytime. So my ex-ex boyfriend. I say ex-ex because it's the one before this last one. He's the one that had a baby with the girl he cheated on me with. I play volleyball with him, not by choice. Only because Ben needed another girl and asked me. When Tom asked me I told him maybe. When Ben asked me I said of course! Anyways, he's been emailing me saying how much he misses me and lalala. Well I made a comment to Ben Tuesday night saying...Tom emailed me. He must have said something to Tom because that night I got an email from Tom. I would say more but I have to go get ready for work... Current Mood: cold (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
1:23 pm	jury So I left St. Cloud yesterday(Tuesday) around 10...I wanted to go visit with the third graders because they were doing stations outside and they are done with school tomorrow. So I visited them. It was fun. Got attacked by hugs, Heather told me she didn't tell them about me coming. So it was a total surprise. She also told me that Bruce (the principal) received a list of all of the applicants. He told her that she could look through it for my name. Apparently she has connections, and I need all the connections I can get. I sent it directly to him as well, so I should be in the clear. I assume I will hear from them soon. If they consider me. I told Heather to put a good word in for me and she told me she already has. That's good news as well. I think she really wants me to get it because there are going to be two new third grade teachers and she wants to at least know one of them. And then she doesn't have to train them in like she had to last year. So keep your fingers crossed. I truly have mixed feelings about Bemidji. I need a job...so that is a reason to take it. But all of my friends are leaving...or will be leaving...and I have boys back in St. Cloud that I wouldn't mind getting to know better...if you know what I mean. haha. And my family is back in St. Cloud. But I need to start out somewhere. I did apply to Sartell, but the chances of me getting that job is pretty slim. The way I see it is there is a plan out there for me. It may not be the plan I really want right now but it's the plan that is going to happen. I have to make sure that I just find the plan...I may not know it's the plan at the time, but will figure it out in the end. Everything happens for a reason. It will all make sense right?? Anyways...so at 5 I had to call in to see if I had to do jury duty today...I'm listening for my number...sitting and waiting. Sure enough, they call my number. I wasn't happy. I had to go play volleyball anyways...so I go to the Blue moon and play some volleyball. It's not the same without Jamie. Jess asked where she was too...she was sad she wasn't able to say goodbye and good luck :). I was getting frustrated with Tom and Ben...and I didn't have a girl to complain to. Ali played with us, I don't like playing with her. The boys were ripping on Jerad hard core...felt really bad for him. I leave Bemidji around 9pm to come back down to St. Cloud. Almost hit 4 deer. Had to slam on my brakes...saw a ton more on the side. Got home around 11:15. Woke up this morning at 7 so I could make it to the court by 8. I was late. Then I get to the door, and forgot to put my cell phone in my car. They don't let me in. It has to go somewhere else...even if it's shut off. I was already frustrated with the stupid cops...just turned and thought about leaving. They can't do anything about it...besides arrest me. Oh well...it's an experience I've never had. So I get back there around 815. Sat for two hours...just for the judge to come in and say...They've settled the case. You're lucky, it would have been a boring three days...it was a criminal DWI case. I thought it sounded interesting...everyone else seemed relieved because they didn't want a boring case to do...I get paid $.27 per mile...wrote down 300 miles since I travelled from Bemidji...that's $81. Plus, $20 for going...that's $101. I think it was worth it...$50 an hour. Can't ask for anythign better. I told my work that I would call them if I got out early and could make it back to Bemidji. I thought about it for awhile...figured since I have to call again tonight to find out if I have to go in tomorrow, what's the point in going all the way to Bemidji just to find out that I have to turn around and come back. This way, if I stay here, we all know that they won't call my number. Reverse Psychology or something. Went out to lunch with my sister and mother. It was some bonding time. Roly Poly...mmm. Gotta love it. I was supposed to hang out with Carl the other night...miscommunication of who was supposed to call whom...never did. Maybe this weekend. Or maybe today. I might give him a call a little later and see if he's working. The new Big and Rich cd came out yesterday. I kind of want it. I don't know if I will go buy it though. Debated going to walmart and getting it...but I hate walmart. Maybe I will stop at the Little Falls one when I go back up to Bemidji tonight. My poor cats are left in Bemidji. My mom told me I could have brought htem home again just in case I got put on a trial longer than a day. I said I would go up on Sat. if I am here the whole time. They should be okay...they're cats anyways...not like they need to be let outside or anything. They have food...water and a litter box. What more do they need? Attention. I will give them a ton when I get back up there. Plus when they come back down to St. Cloud for good, my parents will give them a lot of love. I picked the mood contemplative...I like that word. And the picture! Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
1:22 pm	I came home this weekend to attend Bobbie's candle party. I didn't buy anything. Way too expensive for my taste... While I was at work on Friday talking my supervisor through the schedule, I realized I wouldn't have to come to work Monday and Tuesday. I mentioned it to her, she agreed and said she was going to ask me if I minded. It's two less days that I don't have to work. Don't get me wrong, I love my work to death, I just am ready to move back down to St. Cloud. The main reason we decided to give me these days off is because I have jury duty starting tomorrow. I don't have to go tomorrow, so 1 day down 9 to go. I'm secretly hoping I have to do it Wednesday and I have to come back to St. Cloud. I made the decision to bring my cats to my parents. I called to ask for permission. It is my parents house, and they have NEVER allowed cats inside. Good thing I'm the baby...my dad told me it would be fine. As long as they don't destroy the house. They haven't yet. And I'm pretty sure my parents are enjoying having cats again. I'm going to be living here at least the whole month of July. Therefore, they will have to get used to the cats anyways. Friday night was fun. I got to my parents around 8:30. I had LOTS of things in my car. It was packed. It will be packed next week when I come home as well. But I still have more things in Bemidji. It's crazy. Becky called...I think, I don't actually remember, but we planned on going out with high school friends. Razaan, Morgan, Hannah and Gina. Well Razaan didn't make it out with us, but the other three did. Becky was going to be the Designated driver because she had to be up early in the morning. I was hungry so we went to Applebees. We decided to sit at the bar because becky knew the bartender and we wanted our food fast. I got a Mango Martini and becky got a cherry coke. A waitress comes up to us and says "Excuse me girls, a guy over there would like to buy you girls your drinks" Naturally I say, Becky who do you know here?? And she said it's probably her brother. Sure enough, I see Mike sitting with his friend Beth. I'm okay with free drinks. They made their way over later to talk and then eventually left. We met up with the girls downtown at the dugout then went to the carpet. It was pretty fun. Gina bought me a drink because I paid for her cover. Then I bought myself one. Then some random guy who was friends with Gina's brother bought me one. Then Gina's brother bought me one...and I was pretty well off. It was fun. We were hungry so we went to Perkins with Gina's brother and his roommate. As well as the creepy guy that bought me a drink and some other people. I got into a drunken conversation with some kid from Cold Spring, turns out he knows my dad. Not personally, but called him up because he was interested in a snowmobile for sale. He even remembered his first name...Got home around 3:30 or so and went to sleep. Okay, passed out. I was up by 11. I had to be at Bobbies by two and Becky's family was having a garage sale and she called me to tell me that there was a coffee table there. I went and got it. Paid a dollar for it. Then I sat around talking with her and Mike for awhile...then left to go to the bank and then to Bobbies. Left there around 3...ate some supper at home...Steak, mashed potatoes and peas. Randy came home too so that was nice. He likes the cats as well. I had called up John to see if he wanted to hang out and so something. He wanted to see Pirates 3. I wasn't too interested, suggested pool or darts instead. He said either sounds good. I went to the house he's staying at...met the guys who live there. Seem like they smoke a little too much grass...I would say that's me being prejudice, but as we were leaving I heard one of them say...it's about time to smoke some grass. I laughed. We went to the carpet and played pool for a long time. Got into deep converstaions. Talking about everything. Family, school, music, sports...it was a good time. While we were sitting at the stools talking...probably 10ish, a chick comes up to me with a blow pop that was on the floor. There was a bachelorette party going on. Someone lost their sucker. She asks me, do you think this is safe to eat? i look at it, say well it's still wrapped...she says but do you think anyone would have done something to it. I said probably not. Then she went on to say I was sooo beautiful. And that she wished she could just go out with her hair put up in a pony tail and look so natural. My thoughts were...no one's stopping you. But I kept it in. Instead I look scared at John and he just laughs. But she continued talking for probably 2 minutes. Mind you not it was a LONG two minutes. She left and I was freaked out. It was actually probably closer to 11 because we left shortly after it. His roommates were going to a party...I was supposed to hang out with Jamie and Becky and go to a bonfire. I apologize I never made it out there. I really did enjoy my time if that counts. Anyways, he says he has some beer at the house. But remembers I don't like beer. Luckily I come prepared...haha not normally, but I happened to have a 1.75 liter of Captain in my trunk, along with Coke, and a cup. Because I went to a friends house the previous weekend in Bemidji and never took it out. Good thing too. We drive over to this house. By Wendy's downtown. Go in and their playing Screw the dealer. Well i don't know how to play it, but I figure out easily. Then the deck gets passed around and I get stuck with the last part. Yeah, that sucked. John did ask if I really wanted it...he said he would keep going otherwise. I told him that was fine I can do it. Not going to lie, I didn't drink as much as I should have. Then one of his roommates wants someone to come outside with him because he needs a cigarette. No one says anything. He asks again. FInally I said, I will go outside with you. Then he said John will come too. So we went out...well then like 5 more people caome out too. And I was just being nice, but ended up being cold outside while the smokers smoked. John doesn't smoke. So that's good. He did say he occasionally does when he's really drunk but never has when he isn't drinking. Don't know for sure if its the truth... We continued to play some drinking games...Cattegories. I got the rules...fyi for future playing. It was a lot of fun. Then the bar rush came back...and we decided to leave around 3 I think. Since both Brandon and John had been drinking we walked to their house. It was far...but it went by kind of fast. It was cold outside I remember. I asked if either one had a sweatshirt in their car. They said no, John offered me his button up shirt...I told him naw, I will be okay...he did make sure I was warm. He ended up being cold too tho...he was shivering for a little bit by Lake George. Brandon wanted to play some beer pong. And said he needed to find a partner. He stopped and introduced himself to some random people. Their dog just ran away. We saw it, a beagle but it wouldn't come to us. They didn't seem interested. He said he'd fly solo. We played for awhile. I had water. We won a couple but not a lot. Brandon wanted to watch the sunrise so we did. Went to bed around 6. Made out awhile...probably would have done more but its that time of the month... Slept okay. I did wake up a bunch...probably a total of 4 hours of sleep. My mom called a couple times...Came home... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
10:30 pm	blah wow, I'm tired. Work was okay today. A little frustrating, but when isn't it. After work I visited Jamie at the bowling alley. She had to cover someones shift. After I left there I was pretty lazy. I haven't done much in the last 2 hours. Ashley called me today...left me a message asking if I was interested in living with her still. And if I was when were we going to do it. She told me if I felt like it would be better to live at home I should tell her. I don't know...that's the easy way out. I've realized I plan on being really tan this summer....I was debating if I should just stay up in Bemidji. I don't want to. So that's not going to happen. I am going to be very sociable...or try to be. I don't think I would mind living at my parents until I find a job. Cheaper...but my cats would have to be inside and mom and dad would not like that. Guarantee that. And I don't know what they would do with all of my things. we could make it work though. Jamie starts her internship soon. I have a countdown of how many days of work left...16. Then I'm done. 10 of those days...I'm on Jury Duty. So I may not end up working...Excellent! So i have 16 days left...I plan on being in Bemidji one of those weekends...so I have 18 days left in Bemidji. Assuming I move back home the weekend after I"m done working. I don't think I will...so 25 days. That's awesome. 25 days ago my cousin came and looked at the college...I got a text message...wtf I'm talking to the one person who txts me...must be the ex....woah...one of my best friends from high school who I haven't hung out with in awhile...okay...whatever. Sent one back...focus...it doesnt seem like jon was here 25 days ago...it seems like it's been like 2 weeks. Both cats are asleep...maybe I should go too....Naw, I need to make this long so Jamie can waste time in her scheduled day tomorrow to read this... The St. Cloud boy left me a message one facebook again. We'll just start using his name. 2 people read this...occasionally 3...I don't think it really matters...plus...I keep getting distracted. Anyways, the St. Cloud boys name is John. So John left a message on facebook. Telling me he's in the process of moving and doesn't have internet so he hasn't been able to respond. But he is up to hang out Saturday night. So I'm thinking...I'm going to have a jam packed Saturday night. I go to Bobbies party at 2. Which I have to ask Lori if she wants to come with me. It should get over with by 5. I will hang out with John. I don't know what we will do...hopefully he will be moved in...because we don't want to be at my parents. Then Saturday night I will go out with Katie to the bars. If John would like to come with, he is more than welcome. I do have to hang out with Becky this weekend too. Since I am coming home Friday night and plan on calling her when I get into town, maybe we'll hang out that night. And than she can come out with me too. She was in Bemidji when I met John anyways. She didn't agree with my thoughts, but I don't agree on some of hers. Especially with tastes in guys...but that's good. Hahah....Cole stretched and knocked something off the table while he was sleeping and jumped. It was funny! So what's the verdict? I don't know. I am getting excited to figure out when I'm going to Cali. I realized today, when I was at Target...that I need to stop going to Target because I spend lots of money on my credit card and I won't have any money to have fun this summer...We'll see. I have this nasty cough..It reminds me of a cough Randy had throughout high school. It was annoying because we always told him to cough up his phlem...but he never did. That's how I feel. I'm still cautious about my wisdom teeth pain...so I don't want to cough too hard. I'm thristy.... I wonder if I should bring my bowling ball to my parents and keep it there. I don't think I will. I like having it around just in case I decide to go bowling. I don't think I will this weekend at all. Okay...I don't know what else to talk about. Besides time for bed. I have to leave Lori a message on facebook first asking about Saturday. I'm sure she will. Unless she works. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
9:35 am	volleyball We played volleyball last night. That was fun. It rained a little bit. I was getting a little frustrated with Ben's comments but he always makes stupid comments. Then Tom started making some stupid things and I'm just a complete bitch to him either way. I didn't have to work yesterday. Well I went in from 8-10:30 because there were only 9 kids there. There was no need for 3 of us to be there. I guess I could have used the hours, but I'd much rather not work. Jamie had Jerad play a song last night that made my night. Before he cheats by Carrie Underwood. I was surprised that Jerad played it because he doesn't like country. Jamie said she got him to play it. So I decided to go try. Didn't quite work. I had him think twice before playing his choices. Mainly because I kept stopping his hands from pressing buttons because I didn't know the song. Anyways, I realized the reason Jamie played it after awhile. It was funny. haha. Anyways, I have to work pretty soon and I'm kinda out of it. I definately drank too many last night. I had 10 on my tab. I don't think I drank that many. But oh well. Then I had a pitcher because I bought the guys a pitcher. And food. I'm going to visit Jamie at work tonight. She is working for Matt and I don't have any other plans. Plus it'll keep me away from the house. What I want to be doing this week since Dusty is home. I had to call him last night and let him know about the cell phone bill. Speaking of bills...I wonder if we got our electricity. I should check. We didn't get our cable/internet last month so we have double this month. We need to get that out... Time to get ready for work. I should eat some breakfast but I don't want to. I'm too lazy to get some. I like blue eyes... Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 27th, 2007
8:45 pm	awkward Dusty came and got his things today. He was here for about an hour. It was awkward. I didn't know what to say to him and he wanted me to talk. Give him reasons. I've given him all the reasons I can think of but they don't seem good enough. He thinks there has to be a reson for me falling out of love with him. Honestly, I don't know if I ever was 'in love' with him. I liked the idea for awhile...but not very long. He's got mixed feelings about it. He said that he still loves me and to call him whenever I want someone to talk to. Even when I find a new guy...not going to happen. Today was pretty uneventful. I called Bobbie back about this weekend. She's having a candle party. I told her I would go, I probably won't buy anything. I went rollerblading to the lakeside dairy queen with my roommate. It was fun. Had a brownie earthquake. Been playing sims and watching movies. Took a short nap too. Don't have to work tomorrow. I'm excite dto get to sleep in one more day. I have to go to walmart tonight. I haven't made it over to the bowling alley to talk to Ben yet. I will do it tomorrow night. I'm just curious as to when Jamie starts her internship and he should know. Plus I need to socialize with intelligent people. I have to find the envelope that tells me what number to call for jury duty. I wonder where could it be... I'm going to clean my car tomorrow. It's a disaster and has been needing a cleaning for a really long time. It wasn't very clean when I took it...so I've let it slip. I am a slob though... Carl asked me today when we're going to Alameda. I have no idea. I told him it depends on when/if Bram goes and visit's Lindsay. I want to go in August, but I think we're leaning towards July. We'll see though...keep me posted! Time to make something of myself... Current Mood: blah (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:09 am	out I went out tonight...I didn't have as much fun as I usually do. Which tells me I have fun when I'm out with Jamie...so I probably won't be going out much. Only saw a couple people I knew, it was kind of depressing. Made me realize that I'm not going to see a lot of people I normally see out in the bars probably ever again. School's done, everyone's moved on....except for me. Not yet at least. Tomorrow I'm going to pack. I've decided. I need to pack some things from the kitchen and my shoes. I am a shoe freak. I have too many pairs, but I love them. But I can pack them because I don't wear all of them...Also just random shit... 6 more days until I get to go home... I hope I have jury duty...I probably won't because I want it, but I'm hoping I do. That way I can stay home longer. But who will take care of my cats?? I may just bring them with...mom and dad would kill me but what if I have jury duty?? My roommate can always take care of them...but I don't have a problem bringing them home... Stranger than Fiction was a great movie. I would buy it. Time to go to bed...drove home tonight...4 blocks. Only had 3 drinks in the two hours...but I'm really sleepy... Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 26th, 2007
7:17 pm	Cops galore... So I'm sitting at my computer, playing minesweeper and watching a movie and all of a sudden a cop car zooms past. Then two more zoom by really fast, and then another one. I wonder what's going on off of Northern Irvine...wow. I noticed one sheriff the rest were Bemidji police. Well I got two denial letters. One from Milaca and another one from St. Mary's in Alexandria. I didn't really want either one of those but I do need a job. So I sent out one to the Northern principal telling him I am very interested in a job at Northern. We'll see how that goes. I did absolutely nothing today...slept a lot of the time. And I got 12 hours of sleep last night. I was kind of depressed last night. That's when mom called me and told me that I didn't get the Milaca one. I just was regretting not going home this weekend. Jamie's gone, Jen's gone. Jerad's working...that's the extent of the people I hang out with. I really want to go out to the bars but I'm not going alone. I did stop by Jen and Lindsay's last night and they told me if htey were going out they would let me know. No phone call, assuming they forgot or didn't go out. I might call them tonight and see what they're doing. Jen has a boyfriend under age tho so I don't think they will want to go out to the bars. I finally got out of bed today at 5. My mom called again to tell me about the St. Mary's one. Then I decided to go on my computer. The guy that I was supposed to hang out with the next time I go back down to St. Cloud left me a message on facebook asking if I was coming around. I thought that was cool. At least he thought of me! I did leave a message saying I would be coming home next weekend and we might be hanging out then... Anyways, that made me smile. Then I go on edpost and Pine Meadow is hiring a Kindergarten and 2nd grade teacher. I was freaking out! I called my mom to tell her. She was excited. I had to call someone...Jamie's in another state, and her phone is never charged...sorry Jamie! But I made a letter right away and went to the post office to send it. I sent for both positions. Secretly I'd rather have the Kindergarten one...but I will take either one! They get a lot of applications though, so I don't know if it will matter. I am going to email Weide to tell him that I applied for it. I applied for the middle school one too already. I rented Stranger than Fiction, Happy Feet and Deja Vu. I'm watching the Stranger than Fiction one and I like it so far. It's very interesting. I didn't think I would like it, but so far...it has been 40 minutes. Well it's time to finish watching the movie and maybe going into town...I might go to the bowling alley to talk to Ben...we'll see if I want to leave the house...plus I don't like when it's busy...maybe I'll just go tomorrow... Dusty comes back tomorrow....Not looking forward to it...might have to get trashed tonight to not think about it... Current Mood: bored (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 24th, 2007
10:15 pm	jewelry While I was at work today my director invited me to come with to Cattails to go to a jewelry party.  Normally I'd say no, but I didn't have anything planned tonight and would have just been bored at home.  I just got home not too long ago.  Because Ginny knew the owner of the Cattails we just sat around and talked for a long time.   Well I looked through the books because I wanted a new ring.  Since I don't wear Dusty's promise ring any more I decided I could buy myself one.  I have a couple necklaces but kind of wanted a new one.  So as I'm flipping through the pages I found one I liked.  Not too expensive.  I really want a cross one...turn to the next page and there's another.  Okay I'll just get two.  Kind of like a congratulations for graduating.  Even though I already bought myself a camera...but still.  Then I'm looking through other things and I see a ring I really like.  That was a little more expensive then I was wanting.  But I wanted a ring.  So I got that too.  Then tehre was some dip that was delicious, so I bought that too.  So I didn't spend too much...under $150.  So that's good right?  I got some cash from Randy so it's like he bought it for me.  It's all good.   They really want me to stay in Bemidji and asked if I would reconsider it.  I don't know anymore.  Not going to lie, I am truly reconsidering it... I have to work at 7 tomorrow and open the daycare so I should probably go to bed.  Current Mood: cranky (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
9:54 pm	sick I woke up this morning not feeling well at all.  I woke up a couple times in the middle of the night cold and then hot.  Thanks Jamie.  I have a really bad sore throat too.  Hopefully I don't have strept.  I guess I won't know becaues I no longer have insurance so I can't go in.  Damn.  I didn't go to work because of how I felt.  I slept a lot of the day.  Was going to actually do things but didn't have enough ambition.  I did print out one more job offer in Melrose.  Oh shit, I have to send some out tomorrow.  They are due on Friday.  Oops....I will have to put a couple things together tonight.  I have no choice.  I'm going to move my table into my room and that will be better.   I went to Target tonight.  I stopped at the ATM and took some cash out.  Bought a swimsuit.  I really like it.  Hense me buying it.  I bought the Carrie Underwood cd too.  I like her and decided I could splurge.  Then I realized I needed food.  So I bought some milk and yogurt at Market Place.   Jamie's going to her internship soon.  She leaves tomorrow for Oklahoma with her family.  I never found out why they're going there.  I'll ask later.  But she either starts her internship on the 1st or the 4th.  Which means I have no time to hang out with her.  She'll be back in town on Tuesday for volleyball.  I have to work all week.  Then she either starts friday or monday.  I am going home that weekend and maybe she'll be down there too.  But I have things going on that weekend.  Then she'll be far away.  It's gonna suck.  I already don't have a life...it's just going to be worse.  Of course I always have my roommate.  Then I only have 4 weeks until I move back down to St. Cloud and have actual friends.   I plan on watching lots of movies.  I rented 3 today. Then I have something to do.  We're going to shut our internet and cable off...when that happens I will for sure have nothing to do...wonderful.   I'm going and finding things to do...watching Everybody loves Raymond...and other things... Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Monday, May 21st, 2007
10:47 pm	life... I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It hit me the other day. Do I want to move back down to St. Cloud? Obviously I do, but I'm pretty comfortable up here...What if I can't find a job down there? I can always come back up here and work at the daycare...my family is back home. Many of my friends...I'll just enjoy what I have now maybe... Stupid gas is too expensive...I'm going to be super bored this weekend because I'm not going home...every one else is going to be going home...I hope it's nice outside so I can at least go for walks. We'll see what I will end up doing... Yesterday was fun. We went out to eat. Jamie and I. Then we went to the bowling alley to play some free pool and bowling. It's nice having connections...haha. Then Jerad and I went to Jamie and Ben's to watch a movie. We brought over a couple and I was surprised that Ben liked the one we chose. I had been in the mood to watch Fever Pitch for awhile. I was happy when Jerad said he had it. It's a good movie. We left their house around 1:30. I think. Then we sat around at his house and finished watching a different movie. Cuddled, made out, had some fun. Must say that I do enjoy cuddling... :) Obviously I'm not retarded then...just depends on the person apparently. Work was kind of stressful today. I swear there's always three workers downstairs when I get there...then two go upstairs. I could see one go...but why both?? It's annoying. Especially around snack time...How the hell am I supposed to cut up cheese and watch three babies crawling around every where getting into the four toddler things?? yeah, doesn't make sense...not much time left...5 weeks. 23 days. I was taking a nap this late afternoon. I fell asleep around 6:30. My phone rang around 9:15. It was one of the mom's from the daycare. Apparently she's down in the cities and couldn't get a hold of Evelyn's dad. She was worried because it had rained that Steve wouldn't have been able to make it to the daycare. Then she thought, what if Evelyn is stranded? I thought it was cute. I told her that Steve got tehre around 5 and everything's alright. She said she was relieved and could go to sleep now. It was cute. You would think that if Ev would have been stranded I would have called her since I close the daycare and I have her cell phone number....she was just a worried mother. Supposedly it rained really hard this morning and was really windy. I didn't hear anything, and I'm pretty sure that the window was open all night. I will have to ask Jerad and see if he heard anything... So my mouth still tastes gross...from getting my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago. Is that normal? I've never had any sort of oral surgery so I have no idea. It's gross. Still a little sore too. I think I am going to take some advil. I can finally open up my mouth almost completely. It was an exciting discovery last night. I was so happy! Now I can start to eat subs and thick food. It still can't go completely open, but it's very close! Both cats are sleeping on my bed. Maybe that's a sign. Not gonna lie, waiting for a phone call. It's already 11...I think I will jsut go to sleep... Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 20th, 2007
12:15 am	Moms... Two different people asked me today if everything was alright. Two different. Both of them were moms of the kids I was babysitting so I know them pretty well. One was a coworker and usually can tell when somethings wrong. She asked me on the phone then again when I was at her house. The weird thing is...I don't think anything is wrong. I was shocked because I couldn't think of any reason why things wouldnt be okay. Besides being stressed about jobs. But I try not to think about it. Just not really sure what the right decision will be for me. I think I'm just going to keep all the options open and whatever is supposed to happen will be offered. Right? That doesn't really make sense unless you know what I am thinking...most likely you don't. But I don't want to get into it. I think I don't seem alright because I am tired. I told Leah that too. I haven't gotten much sleep in the last couple days. But that was my choice. So I can't really complain about it. Or let it show. I could have easily just gone to sleep but I didn't want to. I did take 3 naps today. Yes 3. One when I was babysitting Evelyn, one before I went to Leah's, and one after the babies fell asleep. I didn't even look to see how much total I made...I will have to go see soon. I'm very excited for tomorrow. Absolutely nothing planned. Okay I have some things 'planned' but I don't think I'm going to actually do them. There's a gymnastics circus I was going to go to. I need to go to walmart/target. I need to do applications. I need to pack. But I might just lay in bed all day and enjoy the quietness. I might also go shopping or find something to do... My jaw hurts...I think enough to take some pain medicine. Might as well! Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)